A closer look at home, at work and everywhere in between

One in five women in the United States has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape, and a large number of these assaults happen on college campuses. With more companies creating “fun” and “flexible” work environments designed around happy hours and free alcohol, college rape survivors oftentimes find themselves hiding in plain sight.

On this episode of The Tote + Pears Podcast, we’re discussing these issues with the woman who coined the term “Date Rape,” herself, Mary P. Koss, Ph.D. from the University of Arizona’s College of Public Health. Professor Koss and Amber sit down to talk about Amber’s own experiences as a rape survivor, the impact sexual assault and harassment have on women, and what this perspective can offer business leaders, campaigns and policy-makers as we head back to school and work.

Trigger warning on this episode as we talk through tough topics like sexual assault, rape, and harassment. Listeners take care.

According to the Pew Research Center, two-thirds of U.S. adults say they support the Black Lives Matter movement. This sentiment is particularly strong among black Americans, although majorities of white (60%), Hispanic (77%) and Asian (75%) Americans express at least some support.

As a brand, your customers want to know where you stand on issues that impact them and the people they love. What you say (or don't say) matters. In this episode, you'll find tips for managing these heavy conversations.

A positive result: For some women, the journey into motherhood begins quickly or unexpectedly. For Sarah, pregnancy took time. After several years of trying, and several negative pregnancy tests, she finally got the result she was looking for: positive.

Turning to Google for answers: Sarah suffered a rough pregnancy –– she lost 20lbs because she couldn’t keep food down. Like many women, she took to the internet for answers to her questions and concerns. That is when she realized her local hospital had one of the highest rates of C-sections in the country. She decided to move across the country instead and entrust her life — and her baby’s — with a midwife.

Premature labor: Premature labor impacts 1 out of 10 women in the US. Preterm birth and low birth weight account for about 17% of infant deaths. Babies who survive may have complications that last a lifetime. Sarah and Amber share the frightening and unforgettable experience of delivering their babies early. From excitement to fear, the two women discuss how they coped with their premature births.

Spending time in the NICU: In Labor Day, Sarah describes her time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in haunting detail: “Through the windows of our dimmed private room, we watch nurses dash to attend to the final moments of the babies who don’t make it.”

Sarah’s baby had trouble breathing and eating, which led her family back to the hospital where they spent agonizing time waiting in the NICU — a traumatic experience riddled with fear, anxiety, sleepless nights, unsettling alarms and the rush of nurses every time a beloved new life suffered the unthinkable.

Work and family: Working mothers often struggle to manage the demands of their work and family life, but for women with children in the NICU, the demands are even greater. In Labor Day, Sarah describes the daunting balance:

“We play witness to the reality that the longer your baby manages to stay alive and stay in the NICU, the less likely you are to manage to be there with her. The daily demands of work and life finally intrude and the best you can do is send tubes of breast milk to the hospital with love from work or home. But you can’t do that if your supply tanks, which will inevitably happen if you allow more than a few hours to pass between sessions on the hospital-grade pump, which is called, incredibly, a Symphony.”

Motherhood lessons: Her experiences in the NICU shaped Sarah’s perspective forever. Motherhood transformed her values, views on work and life, parenting and her physical being. A woman moves through the world differently after confronting the precious reality of life and death in the NICU.

Working mom: Sarah’s daughter eventually graduated from the NICU and her family gratefully welcomed her home. She is now 7-years old — a big sister to Sarah and her husband’s second little girl. Sarah is now a professor at the University of Louisville and her daughters are healthy and happy. She fits work in throughout her day and focuses on family Happiness, for her, means letting go of the idea that some ideal balance is achievable. Instead, she does the best she can and prioritizes what matters — reveling in the warm laugh or hug of the strong, healthy children she fought to bring into this world.

Politics was never part of the plan: Lisa grew up in a military family with Republican core values, including pride in country, a strong sense of duty and responsibility, and fiscal conservatism. As a small business owner, she is pro-business: advocating for low taxes and less government regulation. After doing some research, she saw a void in representative leadership and decided to run for congress for her district.

Miss Nevada United States: In 2014 Lisa became the first Asian-American to win the title Miss Nevada. She went on to participate in countless community appearances, working to help people and give back in a meaningful way.

A fresh perspective: Lisa believes it is important to focus on the economy: from regulations to national debt, she says there are few voices talking about getting spending under control. As an entrepreneur in a business-friendly state like Nevada, Lisa sees first-hand the benefits of low regulations and no state or corporate tax. She believes elected officials should carry more real world experience in relation to running a small business: like what it's like to jump through regulatory hoops and how to address the rising cost of healthcare. She believes it is important to have a small business perspective in government, where these decisions and laws are being made.

Thoughts on the current administration: Amber cites that 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump in the 2016 election and Lisa is not surprised by the stat. She reflects on the silent majority that supports the president –– people who may not be participating in rallies but still hold strong opinions on issues like unemployment and vote accordingly. She believes that most people are reasonable and that it is our unique experiences that shift our perspectives.  

Reaching across the aisle: When asked about partisan politics, Lisa shares that in the noise and polarization of mainstream media, people forget that there is a gradient in political ideology. She emphasizes that people can fall anywhere along a broad spectrum. At the intersection of political beliefs, career, and age, Lisa describes herself as a fiscal conservative who is also in touch with the needs of the community and sensitive to today’s pressing social issues. She supports human rights and considers herself a women’s advocate.

A fresh face for the Republican Party: Lisa may not `look” like a traditional Republican candidate but that hasn’t stopped her. She believes it’s one of her strengths. She voices the experiences and values across a diverse spectrum: as an Asian American, the daughter of an immigrant and a veteran, a female in the GOP and a small business owner. She’s excited about the future, recognizing that candidates and elected officials need to be (and will become) more representative: women, minorities, business owners and young people should be on the ballot.

Parting words: Pick a party and run. Please consider getting involved in public office. Get involved and engaged in your community.

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A third-generation college graduate: Cheryl Contee grew up in Washington, DC, to a close-knit family that valued education. Her parents were both heavily rooted in their academic backgrounds — her father was a Harvard professor and her mother, a college professor and an early childhood education teacher. Cheryl picked up the mantle and continued the legacy of achievement with which she was raised. When accepted to both Yale and Princeton, Cheryl chose Yale, a university rich in history and privilege.

An invited guest: Often, minority groups find themselves questioning their presence at elite institutions like the Ivy Leagues. And for notable reasons. Recent studies show that 43% of white students at Harvard are legacy, “Dean’s interest list” or recruited athletes: 70% of those white kids would have been rejected without their connections. Cheryl reflects on the exclusivity and the feeling of being an invited guest as a black scholarship student. At the time, it didn’t occur to her to push back on a space that made her feel like an outsider. But given her strong academic background, she came to recognize, not only did she deserve to be there, she deserved to be there the most.

Jack and Jill Politics: During the George W. Bush Administration, Cheryl quickly discovered there was room for the voice of the black person sitting in the next cubicle: sharing thoughts on culture and politics. She co-founded Jack and Jill Politics, named one of the top 10 black blogs in 2008, where she transformed from friendly co-worker, Cheryl, to the progressive political satirist, writing under the pseudonym "Jill Tubman.”

The blog was satirical, entertaining, and controversial. It blew up in popularity and impact: the first A list political blog to come out in support of Obama’s candidacy. Jill Tubman put pressure on political leaders to meaningfully represent the interests of their constituents and fought against corrupt figures within Washington, a stance for which the blog gained critical acclaim and mass exposure.

Too familiar with the country’s history of hurting and silencing outspoken black people, Cheryl’s family felt protective of her when they learned she was at the center of this political phenomenon. They warned her not to interfere with her promising career in tech. She decided that she was willing to put her life on the line for her beliefs.

Progressive politics: She went on to launch startups focused on the strategic execution of cause and campaigns. Notably, hers was the first tech startup with a black female founder to be acquired by a NASDAQ-traded company: a social impact startup acquired by social impact organization.

Today, she is the CEO and co-founder of Do Big Things, a digital agency that uses new narrative and new tech to support big campaigns through strategic counsel, content development support, campaign and infrastructure design, data and research, and more. They have worked with presidential candidates and on high profile congressional campaigns.

Do Big Things is women-led: 70% of the executive team is female, 50% are people of color. They represent the emerging American demographic, which Cheryl emphasizes is not just a “nice to have,” but a strategic value because they can speak to key audiences from an informed perspective more powerfully. Cheryl is proud of the agency’s success working with female candidates who step forward to overturn the status quo that isn't serving women. She remarks that this freshman/person class of Congress is the most diverse in American history, particularly across gender lines.

Women and beauty: Trained in leadership development and unconscious biases, Jess Weiss was surprised to find that 95% percent of women’s magazines printed in English primarily focus on fashion and beauty. Assuming that women are consumed by makeup and clothing, companies are missing an opportunity to reach women in more substantive ways. And that’s where Trix comes in: a new kind of women’s magazine that focuses on the quality, not appearance, of women’s lives. The magazine aims to deliver content that speaks to the curiosity, agency and grit of women all over the world today.

Advertising and its impacts: Jess talks about the detrimental effects typical beauty magazines have on girls and women’s psyche, leaving behind heavy issues with self worth and self-esteem. Jess shares that she developed an eating disorder in high school and discusses how brands that perpetuate stereotypes - skinny models, photoshopped images, etc. tend to isolate their market instead of inspire them. Incorporating more relatable role models actually generates more returns in every aspect of a woman’s life. Showcasing strong role models, sharing their stories, emotional process and success is the angle that Trix takes — highlighting women in action instead of the bystanders that traditional media portrays.  

Women’s Empowerment: When designing the Trix brand, Jess and her co-founders were intentional about how they would position the magazine — steering away from the more popular “girlboss” trends that have dominated the female market. Throughout her research, Jess came across studies that showed how tying together these “inspirational” messages were actually counterintuitive. For example, associating “girl” with the word “boss” or designing a message around elements tied to empowerment actually reinforce the notion that women are missing something. The word “empower,” actually means “authority or power given to someone to do something.” Jess points out that there is plenty of evidence of women who have power.

The term “girlboss” also links women’s identities to capitalism. Jess points out that linking women’s success to one aspect of our identity is problematic — limiting the dialogue about what success means for women from different cultures, economic status, etc.

Statements such as “women empowerment,” “pink power,” and “girlboss” reinforce the fallacy that women are not there yet in a society that already places these limitations on women every day.  

Amber notes that when companies engage in a branding exercise, they need to keep in mind the impacts their direction may have on the community and ensure they take a holistic approach.

Intersectional perspectives: Recognizing that women are multidimensional, Jess discusses how important it was for her and the other founders to acknowledge the role their perspectives play. As three white women from educated, middle class American backgrounds, they acknowledge how their privileges influence their experiences. To ensure inclusivity, they made the decision to focus on a global perspective. At Trix, they committed to:

1. Be intentional - Trix includes contributors from all over the world to pitch and share stories through their eyes.  The founders are  intentional about not just including people from their network but spending ample time conducting focus groups, getting to know and seeking those from different backgrounds.
2. Select unique voices - They hand select contributors who are able to bring different forms of talent and aspirations to the table.

An inclusive space: Men & Non-binary: Women do not operate in isolation. Jess and Amber talk about the importance of recognizing the space men occupy in women’s lives whether that be as a partner, father, brother or son, and how the inclusion of women doesn’t always mean the exclusion of men. 33% of Trix’s readers self-identify as men and the team noticed that recognizing men’s vulnerabilities and challenges allowed them to shift the conversation of women’s rights to equal rights.

Recognizing that the binary is a social construct, Jess speaks about how the magazine pushes for inclusion by incorporating conversations, stories and content that lives outside of the binary.

Second-generation Latina
Melissa Rodriguez is the daughter of Dominican and Puerto Rican immigrant parents, who raised her in Massachusetts. Growing up with Spanish speaking parents, Melissa vividly remembers translating for her mother up until she was in her twenties, an experience many second-generation daughters learn to navigate as part of a blended cultural identity.  

Growing up, the culture her parents instilled in her in their new home in the U.S. felt enriching.  It was only when she entered school that Melissa realized she was different — not watching the same T.V. shows as her friends or knowing about organized sports like soccer. Melissa considered these activities luxuries, because she didn’t have the means.

The first time she noticed she was different was in daycare when the teachers told her she needed to speak English because others couldn’t understand her. That moment she realized she had to be a different person outside the home and that was a turning point. Melissa remembers her mom trying to learn English at the kitchen table; her father helping her with the little English that he knew. Melissa reflects on how hard they worked to give her and her siblings a better life; the catalyst to do more with hers.

Embracing her roots
Like many Latinas, family is the core of Melissa’s world. After graduating from college, she went on to work at a corporate account firm where she found herself making more money than her parents. She wanted to support her family and begin creating generational wealth. She then moved into blogging and shifted into marketing. It wasn’t until she met her business coach that she realized her identity as a Latina was a differentiator. Her background gave her attributes that made her stand out. For years, she did her best to “fit in” but never really did. Not “Latina enough” and not full American, Melissa’s story is one that we often hear from children of immigrants. It’s a narrative, Melissa admits, that held her back for years.

Marketing to second-generation Latinas
Melissa discusses how powerful the Latinx community is and some of the biggest mistakes brands are making when trying to connect with second-generation Latinas. For example, when it comes to English vs. Spanish, for many second-generation Latinas, English is their native language. It’s how they learned to read and write and what they went to school for. Infusing Spanish into a campaign can help reinforce their cultural identity; creating an entire marketing campaign in Spanish does not. In the end, everyone wants to be seen and heard and that means first understanding who you’re trying to reach.

Infusing values into your branding to reach the community
Food, family and values are woven into the fabric of Latinx life. Incorporating these elements into branding helps show target audiences that businesses understand and respect them. Melissa gives an example of how businesses/marketers can take one piece of content and position it so it resonates with the Latinx community. She uses the example of a movie trailer that highlights the senses that resonate most with the Latinx community.

Immigration and the Latinx community
Latinx families are discussing the conflict of U.S. Immigration policies at the kitchen table. Melissa speaks to the responsibility that marketers have when sharing data about communities of people — how focusing on fear push people to the brink of invisibility, which has a domino effect on the way people feel in their country and the way resources are distributed.

For companies looking to do better, Melissa recommends that they “get in the game.” The companies that recognize the importance of the Latinx community are growing. Ten years from now when companies are stuck or stagnate, they will realize what a mistake it was to ignore this powerful, growing demographic. And by that time, it may be too late.

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First day: Amber and Ashley talk about what it’s like to let go of children for the first time. While some mothers decide it’s time, there are others who don’t have a choice. From sending them off to daycare or their first day of kindergarten, letting go can be challenging for moms, many of whom struggle in isolation. Ashley has witnessed “first days” in different ways: first, as a researcher, then, as a mother and again as the founder of The Grassroots Morning Garden, a community-based mother + child educational group.

Culture shock: Sometimes the biggest challenge for a mother is how her child reacts. In  Ashley’s case, it was her youngest son who needed the most help adjusting to his first days in kindergarten — where he struggled to find himself in a space that was not designed from his perspective. After spending formative years participating in The Grassroots Morning Garden with Ashley, navigating an environment that did not include brown and black mothers or any of the tenants and traditions of Islam he so loved, was new territory. From the backseat of the car after pickup, her son asks sadly, “But why do all the mothers go away?” Ashley tells the story of how culture shock impacted them both.

Considering the layers: Ashley speaks about how she and her husband made the decision to put their children in a school that doesn’t include their culture (because many educational institutions still follow a Christian model). She cites how more schools could benefit from using their student’s families as a resource when it comes to understanding different cultures and creating a more inclusive environment. In the meantime, Ashley and her husband focus on teaching their sons how to maintain their identity as they enter into a world that doesn’t always reflect who they are.

Intersectionality at home and school: As an educational researcher and a mother, Ashley emphasizes howschools and administrators must demonstrate a deeper level of commitment when it comes to diversity and inclusion. Doing so takes thorough and thoughtful work, including listening to the community and learning from various perspectives. Ashley points out how parents can, and should be, doing the same thing.

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Afro-Latina: Janel shares her experiences as an Afro-Latina, growing up in the Bronx. She speaks to her awareness through different lenses –– what blackness means as an African American, and how she experienced blackness at home, rooted in her Latin heritage.

It wasn’t until she went to college and traveled abroad that Janel realized blackness isn’t monolithic. During a trip, she stumbled across the term Afro-Latina. The fact that she’d never been exposed to it before struck her. She recognized then how much brands were missing the mark when it came to media representation. People who looked like her weren’t represented anywhere — in mainstream nor Spanish-langauge media.

Learning more about her family’s past: Janel began to research and learn more about her heritage and her ancestors’ journey. The Garifuna people are African survivors of shipwrecked human cargo ships. They were redirected to the Carribean (in 1635) and settled in St. Vincent, where the French and British attempted to colonize. After decades of resistance, the Garifuna people were forced to surrender. Those placed on British ships were sent to an island in the Carribean to die. Only a handful (approximately 2,000) survived. Today, the descendants exist across the world in places like Honduras, Guatemala, Belize and the Bronx, New York City, which has the largest population of Garifuna people outside of South America.

Slavery in Latin America: Many Americans view slavery as a very difficult period in U.S. history with lasting effects on African-American life, but colonization has worldwide impacts –– the majority of enslaved African people were brought to the Caribbean and South America, first.

Colorism in the Latinx community: Media is often behind the times when it comes to fair representation of women and people of color. This is definitely the case when it comes to Afro-Latinas –– light-skinned women grace the front pages of news articles and star in T.V. shows while women with darker skin and kinky hair are rarely represented on either English or Spanish speaking publications. Like African Americans, Afro-Latinas represent a spectrum of skin tones. Janel shares her story about launching the award-winning blog to confront the truth and stereotypes about who is considered Latina.

Ain’t I Latina?: Guided by the need to create an authentic space to tell the stories of Afro-Latinas’ lived experiences, Janel developed Ain’t I Latina?. Amber and Janel discuss the meaning behind the name, derived from Sojourner Truth famous speech, “Ain’t I a Woman?” as a way for people to question their views and stereotypes.

Dual identities: Amber and Janel discuss dual identities and how the scope of blackness spans across the world. The digital landscape requires people to recognize that Latina identity is broad and diverse.

The numbers: According to the Pew Research Center, nearly a quarter (24%) of hispanics identify as Afro-Latinos. Janel shares how biased survey questions may be skewing the numbers. Being more conscious about how surveys are created and the various ways that people identify themselves is important.

Misconceptions + Mistakes: Janel shares that one of the biggest mistakes brands make today is assuming that Latinas only speak Spanish when in reality, there are a variety of languages spoken in Latin countries. While the Afro-Latina narrative may be new to America, blackness is evident throughout the world and will become more and more a part of the conversation moving forward.

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A letter: Amber reads a letter from a community member — a middle aged woman who shares her experiences with ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD is characterized by difficulty with regulation of attention, executive function and working memory.  It is commonly associated with children and men yet 6 million adult women live with ADHD. Because it presents differently in women, 50-75%  go undiagnosed leaving many feeling misunderstood, confused and alone.

Amber sat down with Margaux Joffe, Associate Director of Accessibility & Inclusion at Verizon Media and founder of Kaleidoscope Society, a community for women with ADHD, to talk about the data, stigma and changing narrative for all the brilliant women out there, living with ADHD.

The diagnostic: Margaux shares how she lived with undiagnosed ADHD until she was 29 years old. And her experience is painfully common. The 50-75% of women who go undiagnosed have become a lost generation — often facing the negative impact of living undiagnosed in isolation. The consequences range from higher rates of eating disorders, low self-esteem, substance abuse and incarceration. Margaux couldn’t find any resources for adult women so she built a community for women with ADHD.

Kaleidoscope Society: Margaux founded Kaleidoscope Society in 2015 to provide an  empowering platform for women with ADHD. The site includes curated content, resources, interviews and expert advice for (and from) women with ADHD.

Society’s rules: ADHD manifests differently in different spaces. From our school systems to the workplace, gender constructs shape how our culture views women and men’s roles. This narrow perspective can create more barriers for girls and women with ADHD. For example, Steve Job’s erratic behavior is rationalized as part of his genius but a woman who shares the same level of intensity would be viewed differently, often negatively. Margaux talks about how the clash of expectations can have devastating consequences on people with ADHD, including higher rates of incarceration.  

ADHD at work: Margaux shares insights into how an ADHD diagnosis can be empowering for women because it allows them to own their story, understand their minds more deeply, and ultimately, seek life experiences that are most aligned with their purpose. Margaux shares a book that was influential throughout her journey “The Gift of Adult ADHD” by Laura Honos-Webb, Ph.D.

Getting there: Margaux reflects on how she came to her own diagnostic which began as a little girl — how she couldn’t sit still, forgot homework assignments, and experienced anxiety and depression in her teens. She originally believed that the issue was related to her creativity, but she always knew she was different.  

Changing the language: There is no such thing as a normal brain; human brains are diverse and everyone is different. At Kaleidoscope Society, Margaux focuses on changing the way people view ADHD. Having a disability is not a deficit. Learning personal strengths and understanding how their minds work can lead women with ADHD (and everyone, really) to great success.  

Community & Companies: Since launching Kaleidoscope Society, the response from the community continues to pour forth. Margaux receives emails every week from women thanking her for creating a space where they can find support and purpose. Margaux talks about how important it is that companies create spaces that support their employees with ERG groups.

The Disability Collection: Margaux’s latest project is to expand society’s understanding of people with disabilities. About 20% of the population is disabled, but they are featured in less than 2% of the images we see in the media. Since a great deal of creative production relies on stock imagery, lack of diversity is an obstacle to making inclusive choices. As Associate Director of Accessibility & Inclusion at Verizon Media, Marguax facilitated a collaboration with Verizon Media, Getty Images and the National Disability Alliance to generate more inclusive images. Together, they created The Disability Collection, a set of stock images that reflect the lives and diversity of people with disabilities. These images are now available on Getty Images for anyone, anywhere in the world, to use.